WHO STOLE TRIG PALIN'S PACIFIER

The following piece is about the Obama's Campaign never-ending attempt to dig up dirt in order to destroy Gov. Sarah Heath Palin. Since the attacks come exclusively from the Democratic Party, those who participate in any way in that Party's activities are in fact enablers of evil.

The following is humorous -- in a rueful way. It has "gone viral," and I appreciate the many positive comments I've received.Led by the "Chosen One," the Obama Campaign tends to get WAY off message, with long clouds of hot air being used to answer questions no one has asked. But it will get better at that. The ads and the smears will grow increasingly hateful -- and bizarre.

The current attack message is that Gov. Palin is a (shudder) Christian. Imagine that! What an outrage to the well -heeled liberal ladies of the Upper West Side and the desiccated secularists of "The View."

The New York Times will do a carefully crafted editorial on how -- in these troubled times -- any candidate who not an agnostic or athiest is truly fit to serve. MSNBC will launch a provocative expose on something-or-other.

In general, the modern Democratic Party is anti-Christian and anti-women. People like Obama and Biden list their "religious affiliation" with about as much conviction as they note their membership in the Kiwanis Club. I wish that were not true, because one would hope both Parties were responsible and committed enough to run the country.

The campaign to destroy Gov. Palin is going to fail. It is as pathetic as it is malicious and mendacious.We will hear endless charges that when she was 7 years-old Sarah took an extra cupcake at school. Presumably, some mentally disturbed person at her OLD church will make bizarre theological statements that will then be attributed (absurdly) to the Governor. We will also hear that Bristol Palin was not well-liked by three girls in junior high.

I wish I were exaggerating, but I fear that I'm not. We'll certainly hear unfriendly comments from some of the political crooks Sarah helped put in jail. Piper Palin will be questioned intensely on how many Black friends she has.

We will learn some truly shocking news: that Sarah once borrowed a cup of sugar -- and did not return it. A psychologist associated with "Entertainment Tonight" will analyze the underlying significance of the sugar theft. Theologians from the University of Chicago will be consulted to determine exactly which commandment Sarah broke.

Reporters will thoroughly examine Sarah's trash. It will reveal a rich lode of evidence: coffee grounds, used bread wrappers, spinach Piper refused to eat, and an extremely provocative empty bottle of olive oil -- Extra Virgin!

Does that bottle contain hidden significance? Is it a veiled plea for chastity before marriage? Is it a hidden rebuke to Bristol? There are now more lawyers (all from Chicago apparently) and media dirt hunters in Wasilla than there are permanent residents.

The National Enquirer ("All the news that fits we print") has a half-dozen people there (the entire Chicago bureau?), presumably looking for evildoing related in some arcane way to John Edwards mistress, Rielle Hunter and Todd Palin. The two will claim -- unconvincingly -- never to have met

Trust, me, Sarah's boyfriend when she was age 15 will receive constant media attention. Someone may find a copy of her secret diary composed during the ages 11 to 13! It will be examined closely for links to her current political philosophy.

Attempts will be made to steal Trig's pacifier. If the heist is successful, look for it on eBay -- opening bid at $10,000. Then, look for the Palins to buy a new one for $1.98 -- "film at 11."

A reference or photo in (Bristol-fiance) "Levi's" MySpace page will receive eight hours analysis by Matthews and Olberman. Track Palin will be accused of cross-checking a rival in a hockey 2004 match. Todd Palin's snow-machine racer will be subjected to forensic analysis.

So, in the face of all this media clamor, how do we win this election? If everyone who now favors McCain-Palin will recruit one new supporter -- or shore up one who's wavering, we will indeed prevail.

And, by the way, whatever happened to the "lovely" Michelle Obama? Did he ("the Chosen One") dump her ("the Unchosen One?") without our knowledge? Perhaps she's relocated to friendlier climes, such as Kenya? Was Barack seen -- or was he not -- in the company of Rielle Hunter?

Actually, I believe Michelle is under the same bus where Barack tossed grandma. But where oh where is Rev. Jeremiah Wright when we most need him?